My Bat Mitzvah Lladro

PHD and I were walking through Macy's the other day and we saw that they were having an event where you could get your Lladro pieces signed by Rosa Lladro. We laughed as we both agreed that people that spent money on these things were meshugganah. And besides we both said, "They're kind of ugly". However, many years ago, PHD was in Spain and a friend of his asked him to buy a Lladro chuppah. (I have yet to find a picture of this on line.) PHD said it was lovely and he wanted to show it to me. We walked through the Lladro section and couldn't find it and so we looked through the catalog. We never did find it but instead we came across this. "Oh my gosh!" I marveled. "She has black hair and she looks Asian!" Can you guess what happened next?

(If you guessed that PHD bought the figurine for LO, you were right. We left the store shocked...did we just spend hundreds of dollars for a piece of porcelain for a bat mitzvah gift for LO who won't be a bat mitzvah for TWO YEARS?)

Kids or no kids - the wedding dilemma

Ok, I have a dilemma and I need your help. Since the wedding is getting close (3-1/2 months!) we have really gone into planning mode. We have always talked about it being very very small and to not have much more than a minyan. This becomes complicated since my family (meaning my Dad, his wife, my sister, and her husband) are not Jewish. But we decided that the minyan plus my goyim family would be fine.

Enter my sister and her 3 year old daughter and her newborn little girl.

I love my nieces as though they are my own children. Apparently PHD does not share this love. He is adamant that the kids don't come to the wedding. I can understand not wanting the newborn there but my other niece? I just don't get it. He says they will disrupt the wedding and since it's so small it would be a huge deal. I say that they would be fine.

Obviously I love PHD enough to marry him but let's just say that he is a tad on the stubborn side (ok maybe more than a tad) and when he makes up his mind about something there is usually no swaying him. He says I haven't given him a good enough reason to include my niece. I say that it should be reason enough that it's important to me that she is there.

Help me! What else can I say? My sister says she won't come if she can't bring the kids. PHD (as usual) is showing no signs of budging on this issue (he's even threatened to cancel the whole affair and just have us married with the Rabbi in his study).

I'm the one who will always give in to everyone else before taking what I want but I can't see a way to make everyone happy. Help!

Trip to Honduras = Trip to Hebron

PHD has just been asked to do some volunteer work in Honduras. For him it would be the perfect opportunity to practice his Spanish. For me, it would be two weeks home alone worrying about him since here's a little excerpt from the US Department of State website,

"Crime is endemic in Honduras and requires a high degree of caution by U.S. visitors and residents alike. U.S. citizens have been the victims of a wide range of crimes, including murder, kidnapping, rape, assault, and property crimes. Fifty-seven U.S. citizens have been murdered in Honduras since 1995, with a significant recent increase. Only eighteen cases have been resolved. Kidnapping of U.S. citizens has occurred in Honduras, including two incidents in 2006. Poverty, gangs, and low apprehension and conviction rates of criminals contribute to a high crime rate, including horrific acts of mass murder. "

The thought of him going honestly makes me want to vomit.

The bright side? If he goes to Honduras, his argument that we can't go to Me'arat HaMachpela when we are in Isreal because he is not putting himself or our family in danger is out the window. Always look on the bright side, right?

Diamonds are NOT my best friend

As you all know, our engagement had not been the usual run of the mill engagement. (Nothing in my life has ever been "usual" so I guess this plays right into the way things should be!) There was no ring. There was no getting down on one knee and asking me to marry him. There was no romantic dinner. And it's all good - I think it's sweeter that when my father came to visit us, PHD asked him for my hand in marriage. In any case, as the date draws nearer, we have started to talk about rings.

This is the part that I hate. I wish he would just go and get one and give it to me. I hate to make decisions. The only thing we agreed upon together was that we would purchase everything in Israel. So - we've got the diamond from a cousin in Israel who is a diamond dealer and now we I have to figure out what we I want to do with it. White gold? Yellow gold? Diamonds on the side? Plain diamond? Ugh. Too many choices. If you had to pick from these, which would you pick? I am SO OPEN for suggestions.

A different stone wall

(photo by spinedoc18)

We met up in North Carolina with PHD's cousins and some friends who are all visiting from Israel. We decided to meet them at a restaurant called "Stonewall's" (probably named after Stonewall Jackson). Here is a snippet of the phone conversation:

PHD: The restaurant that you wanted to meet us at is closed on Mondays so another restaurant called Stonewall's was suggested to us.

Cousin: (with HEAVY Israeli accent) Stone wall? What is this stone wall?

PHD: It's a restaurant with a huge salad bar. It sounds very nice.

Cousin: Ok, so it is called stone wall? Like the Kotel?

PHD: (laughing) Yes, like the Kotel.

I giggled and just shook my head. Only family from Israel could have come up with that one.

The Kvetching Jogger

One of the things that they do in LO's physical education class is run laps. At the end of the year anyone who qualifies gets to participate in what they call the "Panther Mile". For LO this means that she needs to run a mile in 10 minutes or less. LO has never qualified for the Panther Mile. But it's not because she can't run a mile in 10 minutes or less. It's because she is usually walking the track with her girlfriends. Instead of her feet running, her mouth is running...a million miles a minute.

It has never seemed to bother her that she and her girlfriends haven't qualified for the Panther Mile or that they are always the last to finish "running" the mile. But the other night when we were taking a evening stroll, she indicated that she wished she could run the Panther Mile. PHD told her that it would be easy and that he would help her do it. So this morning, training for the Panther Mile began.

(I was at work so this event is as told by PHD.)

The plan was to run one block and then walk one block for the mile. They started by running three blocks. Always the drama queen, LO started to pant like a dog that had been running on a hot summer day (complete with the sound effects and the tongue hanging out).

Then the kvetching began. PHD said she gave every excuse in the book. Some of the highlights were:

I'm sweating down my neck.

My arms hurt.

My eyes hurt.

My tongue hurts.

My tuchis is schvitzing. (I loved this one the most. How funny is a Chinese kid complaining in Yiddish?)

She called me and told me, "Mama, I'm a kvetcher!" Then she told me that the best part of jogging is stopping. Now I can't wait to go jogging with her. Although I fear it will be more about laughing hysterically than actually jogging.

The kindness of bloggers

(art by: Naomi Ocean)

Whenever I talk to a non-blogger about any of you who I refer to as a "blogger friend", they look at me like I am meshugganah. They can't understand how I can call someone a friend when I have never met any of you (although that will change very soon) and only spoken to a few of you on the phone. I'm sure that this is no new subject for a blog post but it's actually a little surreal when you think about it. We watch each other's children grow and share fun stories about them, we mourn the loss of each other's family members, we dream about each other, we join together for support when one of us or a family member is ill, we celebrate engagements, marriages and the donning of tefillin for the first time...we do all sorts of things "together" yet we could probably pass one another on the street and never know it. And the kindness I have come across here never ever ceases to amaze me and I thought I would share one of those stories.

LO and I were supposed to go to Israel and meet up with PHD there. Our trip got cancelled, but PHD couldn't cancel his trip since he was going there to attend a family wedding. Every day that he was gone LO and I were missing him terribly, but Shabbats were always the worst. Turns out that he felt the same way. While he was enjoying his time with his family in Israel, Shabbat was not the same without us. Short of getting on a plane to fix the situation, I tried to think of what else I could do to make this better. My research for ideas led to many very EXPENSIVE solutions. I decided to turn to a blogger friend who lives in Israel for suggestions. And he went way beyond giving suggestions, he actually facilitated the whole thing and certainly made Shabbat for PHD and his family very special. (When I tell this story to non-bloggers, they can't believe that someone I have never met would do such a nice thing.) So Trepp, here's a HUGE THANK YOU! I am truly blessed to know you and to be able to call you my friend.

After that Shabbat, PHD arranged a meeting with Mr. and Mrs. Trepp. Here's a picture from that meeting (and yes, I'm still jealous!)

We had a beautiful Shabbat (as we always do) but this one was more special since it was the first one we shared since PHD returned home from Israel.

To all of our blogger friends out there, LO, PHD and I wish to thank you for your kindness and for sharing all your stories with us.

Shavua Tov.

Where would you honeymoon?

PHD and I had a discussion the other day about honeymoon destinations. My first thought was Israel. (Does that surprise anyone?) He said that we would take many trips to Israel but that it was not the most romantic of destinations. (I'm not so sure I agree with that BTW.)

So I asked, "Where else then?" Hawaii? Too cliche. Paris? Been there, done that. Disney World? Nah. Bali? South Africa?

If you could choose anywhere in the world to go where would you go? Or for those of you who are married, where did you go? Or if money, time, and/or kids were not an issue where would would you vacation? Inquiring minds want to know.

Chicago here we come!

(photo: Art Hill)

When I first met PHD he described himself as the true "wandering Jew" since he loves to travel and I can hardly name a place that he hasn't already been. (This will make choosing a honeymoon destination interesting to say the least!) While I have never been much of a traveler, PHD has decided this should change. New places and spending time with PHD...what more could I ask for?

I've always wanted to go to Chicago since the Art Institute has one of my very favourite paintings there. Then I found out that Chicago is the home of awesome authours like Elaine Soloway and Amy Guth. And now, most importantly it is where PHD is from and his daughter lives there where she works at the Lincoln Park Zoo.

Well...looks like I am finally going to take that trip! We have plane tickets in hand and will be heading to the "Windy City"! I'm so excited (and thankful that he didn't decide this trip needed to happen in the wintertime.)

LO's continued matchmaking

With all the talk of marriage, you would think that LO was a shadchan in training. She has certainly made it clear that she approves of the shidduch between me and PHD. We had a conversation the other day when she explained how she would like to call PHD "Abba" once we get married. I adore how she has her own little "plan" of how life is going to be.

At the dinner table last night, came this conversation....

LO: Do you want to marry my Mom?

PHD: Yes I do.

Me: Why do you think PHD and I should get married?

LO: Well, he's Jewish.

Me: Well, yes that is important.

LO: And he's nice. And he's playful.

Me: Ok, those are good things.

LO: And he COOKS for me!

Looks like not only has he won my heart....but he has won hers as well!

LO's phone call to PHD

(This is one of my favorite pictures of PHD and LO - they are always goofing around and making me laugh.)

PHD had to go away on business for a few days. I knew I would miss him terribly but it didn't dawn on me how much LO would miss him. We were sitting in the house and out of the blue LO said, "I miss PHD. When is he coming home?" I explained that he would be home as soon as he could and told her that we could call him.

Here's how that phone conversation went:

LO: Hello? WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME? I miss you! I'M HUNGRY! I love you, ok bye.

She then proceeded to hand the phone back to me.

You know that old adage "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach"? I think it applies to LO as well.

Shabbat Shalom.

My PHD

Here's a picture of us so that Jack can’t call PHD a mystery man anymore. (Gotta love those self-portrait cell phone pictures!)

And here’s a little more about him…

~ I met him at shul. (Really can you think of a better place to meet a nice Jewish man?)

~ He is from Chicago.

~ He invited LO on our first “date”.

~ He is a college professor and he must be a pretty darn good one because just about any time we go out anywhere, former students come up to him and tell them how much they enjoyed his classes.

~ He has a daughter who’s Hebrew name is the same as LO’s Hebrew name.

~ He is an excellent cook. In fact, he is so good that I haven’t had to make a meal in ages.

~ I knew I was destined to fall in love with him the first time I heard him say the Shema and the V'Ahavta with LO.

~ He loves Israel and spends at least a month there every year. (Aliyah with him is most certainly a possibility.)

~ He has a PHD which made it easy to identify him using that on my blog. (However, it is also stands for a nickname that I gave him even before I blogged about him.)

~ When I met him, he had only said "I love you" to FOUR women in his entire life. I became the FIFTH one.

~ When I made the decision to move in with him, he basically told me that we could re-decorate and re-do anything in the house that I wanted to.

~ He promises me that we will live long wonderful lives together. I asked him if I could have that in writing. He said yes...complete with two Rabbis and two witnesses.

Yep, I'm keeping him...for ALWAYS. (And LO approves!)

One step closer to the chuppah

Things have been going quite nicely with PHD. Together with him, LO and I feel like we have made ourselves quite a nice little family. He treats LO no differently than if she were his own daughter and he and I feel as though we "complete each other" (as cliche as that may sound).

So, I've decided to take one step closer to the chuppah with him...

(photo: snarbles.com)

LO and I are moving in with him. I LOATHE moving more than any activity that I can think of. I swore when I moved the last time that they would have to take me out of the house in a hearse before I would move again. But...PHD is worth it. And this makes me one step closer to my dreams...a family, the chuppah, and finally aliyah. Wish us luck.

Off to the theatre

I'm not sure how many of you know this, but I was a theatre major in college. I'm not sure if I believed back then that I would ever be able to make a living by singing and tap dancing, but I guess it seemed like a good choice at the time. Once I got out of college I did professional theatre and opera for a while, worked on a couple of cruise ships, even did some theme park work. It was fun. I saw the world. But as much as I loved it, I had a greater need in life. I wanted to settle down and have a child. And so while all of my friends were going on to do Broadway and Las Vegas shows, I was settling in Miami and getting ready to adopt LO.

I can't lie. I miss it. I miss the lights. I miss the sound of the applause. I miss the rush of being in front of an audience. But I wouldn't trade my life with LO for it.


PHD and I are going to the theatre to see Wicked tonight. Tickets were incredibly hard to get but we somehow managed to get orchestra center seats. I'm thrilled because nowadays I have to get my "theatre fix" by sitting in the audience instead of being on stage. It's not quite the same but you have to admit, there's nothing quite like live theatre.

Valentine's Day isn't all that bad

I haven't been all that lucky in love, plus as a Jew, celebrating a holiday named after a SAINT seems a little odd to me. I've certainly never been as anti-Valentine's as Jack but...Valentine's Day in the past has usually been no different than any other day. Until this year...

LO's teacher invited all the parents to school to surprise the kids with a party. When PHD and I showed up at LO's class, she ran to him and hugged him. Here is an idea of how happy she was to see him:


LO had a surprise for me too. She made me this heart:

(Forgive me for the bad cell phone picture.)

The heart she made for PHD said, "handsome, kind, praying, working, loving, a person who is cute, friend". She actually wrote the first word as "hamsom" which I thought was funny since she is the kosher police. (Oh and I thought it was interesting that she had written "praying" for both of us...guess she is REALLY used to seeing us daven!)

After the party I went back to work and it was basically an uneventful day although everytime I talked to PHD on the phone or via Skype, I could tell he was up to something but he wouldn't reveal anything.

We went to PHD's for dinner and when we arrived, the table was set beautifully with rose petals, cards and gifts for me and LO. He had spent much of the day decorating and making dinner. It was lovely, complete with a salad with vegetables that PHD had carved into little hearts. Dinner was tilapia with lemon sauce and capers followed by a dessert of chocolate mousse a la PHD. (Two of my very favorites that he makes!)

And here's a glimpse of what happened next....

(ed. note: Don't worry, I haven't thrown tzniut out the window - this is not an actual picture of me, I found it on Google somewhere. I WISH I were as thin as this woman and that I actually had a bathtub this large!)

Yes - I believe this one is a "keeper". (And LO agrees.)

Rabbi Elvis?

My relationship with PHD has been sort of a whirlwird romance. He is a wonderful man, I adore him, LO adores him, and he's Jewish - really what more could I ask for?

(Ok, you're right, I could ask for a lot more, and he actually is so much more than I could have ever hoped for.)

So, when I was telling friends that we were going to Las Vegas together, I was met with, "You're not going there to get married are you?" My response was, "Of course not...unless I can find a Rabbi who happens to be an Elvis impersonator." Yep - that got a blank stare. But afterall, if you're going to get married in Las Vegas, it has got to be by an Elvis, right? Then, I took it even further and asked, "Should it be the young hip-swinging Elvis or the old drugged up Elvis?" Friends who know me well know that when I say meshugganah things like this, there have been times when I actually was not joking, so I had to then assure everyone that I am not going to Vegas to get married by a Rabbi Elvis.

Later I was talking with PHD and he mentioned that when we get married (yes, you read that right) he would like two Rabbis to officiate - our Rabbi and a close friend of his who is a Rabbi. Jokingly I said, "Let's bring them to Vegas with us - we can have both - one dressed as the young hip-swinging Elvis and the other as the old drugged up Elvis."

So which would you choose? The young hip-swinging Elvis or the old drugged up Elvis?

(Wouldn't it be funny if our Rabbi dressed as Elvis for Purim?)

Vegas here I come

Because of things like this and this, I don't generally enjoy traveling. I get shpilkes sitting anywhere (like on an airplane) for any length of time.

My Nana (who lives in Las Vegas) has been calling me constantly over the past few weeks. She always ends each conversation with, "So, when are you coming to see me? It's been a long time." (Yep - she's got that Jewish guilt thing down to a science.)

Also, it just so happens that PHD is going there for a conference.

So, I finally caved in and I am heading to Las Vegas to see my Nana and to share a little fun time with PHD. I haven't been out there since 1999 when my Stepfather Z"L passed away. I hear that I won't recognize the place. I'll be there over Shabbos, so if anyone has any suggestions for shuls, please let me know!

Wedding "Vowels"

So apparently LO is not giving up on this whole marriage idea. She has continued to grill me about if and when I would like to get married to the man she has chosen for me.

(From now on, I'm going to refer to him as PHD since I am sure her quest is far from over and I actually relish the idea of keeping him around for a very long time.)

So, in the car on the way to his house for dinner last night (yes, you read that right, he actually makes dinner for us!) here was the conversation:

LO: Mama, if you get married to PHD are you going to have to say wedding vowels?

Me: (very confused) What are wedding vowels?

LO: You know, like with this hand I will lift your sorrows. Your cup will never be empty, for I will be your wine. With this candle, I will light your way into darkness. With this ring, I ask you to be mine.

Me: (in complete shock) LO, where did you learn that?

LO: From the movie "The Corpse Bride". (laughing) Those are the vowels he is supposed to say but he gets so nervous that he actually ends up saying, "With this candle I light your mother on fire." And then he lights her mother on fire. Isn't that funny?

Me: (At a loss for what to say) Um. Sure. I think.

I wasn't sure if:

1. I should laugh at her use of the word "vowels" for the word "vows"
   
2. I should worry that she is so fixated on marrying me off
   
3. She was comparing me to a corpse
   
4. She was telling me that PHD might light my mother on fire
   

One thing I do know for sure...I think she has watched that movie too many times.

Shabbat Shalom.

A shidduch for me?

She is persistent if anything and so LO has continued to do what she calls shopping for a husband for me.

Here's her latest attempt with the man she has chosen for my husband:

LO: Are you Jewish?

(Since we met him at shul, she had to know he is Jewish but I am guessing that she was just double-checking to be on the safe side.)

Him: Yes

LO: Do you like Chinese ladies?

Him: Yes - I like them A LOT.

LO: Do you like little Chinese girls?

Him: Yes - I love them and I love to eat them up.

(She looked amused albeit a tad bit scared at this comment.)

LO: Would you like to marry a Chinese lady? You know, like my Mom?

Him: I think so.

Uh-oh. Could this actually be a shidduch for me?

LO the shadchan?

Last month LO seemed to be searching for a husband of her own. However, it seems that lately she has taken it upon herself to search for a husband for me. Oh yeah, I know you think this sounds cute but really how does it look when your 8-year old is trying to find you a husband? Yep, you're right. It's PATHETHIC. (But then again, I'll take LO's matchmaking over JDate nightmares anyday!)

Her first attempt at playing shadchan was her suggestion that our Rabbi would be a great husband for me. Yep - she aims high - she went straight for the Rabbi. I had to explain that there was just one problem with this suggestion...he's married.

She didn't let her first failed attempt at a shidduch deter her from trying again. She spends much of her time at shul looking around and pointing out men who she thinks would be great husbands for me. She doesn't factor into the equation that most of the men she points out are either (1) married, (2) over the age of 70, or (3) all of the above.

I think she has now given up on trying to gain my approval. At shul the other day she ran up to a very good friend of mine and motioned to him to bend down so she could tell him something. He laughed and had a huge grin on his face.

Want to know what she whispered in his ear?

"Marry my Mom."

Do you think he'll take her advice?