You eat shrimp?

We were visiting PHD's 93-year old mother at the independent living facility where she lives. We happened to see a friend of ours there who's mother also lives there. (This friend also happens to be a Reform Rabbi.) They were sitting in the dining room and motioned for us to come and sit with them while they waited for their food. We sat, talked about the wedding, talked about LO starting school, etc.

Then the food came.

The server placed a plate of chicken and shrimp in front of our friend.

Before the plate was completely on the table, LO exclaimed, "Rabbi, how could you? How can you be a Rabbi and eat SHRIMP? Oh my gosh - you are going to have to fast for a lot of days for Yom Kippur...." This went on and on until I literally had to tell her to stop talking.

Oh yeah, that is my little kosher police. Gotta love that.

(But I guess that now might be a good time to explain the differences in observance level for Reform Jews and the more observant ones.)

Uhh...that's not kosher

My company has flown in a candidate from Chicago to interview for a Vice President position. The headhunter said to be prepared because the man keeps "strictly kosher". Be that as it may, the department secretary came to me for advice on what they could feed him. I explained that in our area there are no kosher restaurants but that there is a kosher market where they could take out food for him. I also explained how they could not use the plates and utensils from our cafeteria. (I also offered to bring him to dinner in North Miami where there is a plethora of kosher restaurants as well as give suggestions in case he needed a shul to daven at. ) I left it at that figuring they would ask me if they had any more questions.

I completely forgot about it over the weekend until this morning when I saw a man with a kippah in our department. So I went to ask the secretary what they decided to do for lunch for him. She told me that they were bringing him to a restaurant and then she told me which one. She explained that they were "kosher style". I explained how this was NOT ENOUGH. I explained how they serve pork products there and how he won't even be able to drink a glass of water there. No one seems to care. I am so embarassed even though this candidate does not affect my particular work. I am almost tempted to give him my own lunch. Ugh.

The Kosher Police strike again

For an 8 year old LO takes keeping kosher pretty seriously. (I've posted about this previously here and here.) Tonight while I was watching television, LO was playing with her Webkinz on the computer. A commercial for Dunkin Donuts advertising a special for iced coffee and a ham breakfast sandwich came on. LO suddenly quit playing, looked at me and matter-of-factly said, "I have one thing to say about that - NOT KOSHER." Without even blinking an eye, she then turned back to the computer and continued playing her game.

That's my little kosher police for you. I wonder if the OU is hiring.

Bagels at snacktime

As most Jewish parents know, Jewish Day Schools are expensive. And as a single mother, I have not been able to afford to send LO to one although I have never given up hope.

Florida is well-known for having some of the worst public schools. The saving grace for us is that my company has what is called a "satellite school" which is technically a public school but only children of the people who work for my company can attend. This makes for much smaller class sizes and allows for much more personal attention from teachers for the children. Ok, so it's no Jewish Day School but it has worked well for LO so far.

Snacks are provided for the children in the afternoon. Being the Kosher Police, LO is always checking for hechsherim but since the Pesach "rules" are a little different I made sure she knew that she should only eat what I had packed her in her lunchbox and nothing else.

When I picked her up from school I asked her what she had for snack. She told me that she had eaten the apple I packed her and then she said, "Mama! They had BAGELS for snack! Can you believe it?" How's that for chutzpah? No, I couldn't believe it.

Now where is that application for the Jewish day school? Maybe I should take out a second mortgage.

Passing over just like Passover

I am not sure how popular these are elsewhere, but here in Miami you can hardly go anywhere that you don't see a child whizzing by on Heelys. (They are actually so popular for the kids and so distracting that many of the schools have banned the wearing of them during the school day!) For those of you who don't know what they are, they are sneakers that have wheels in the heels, hence the name "Heelys". As is any trend for kids these days, they are not inexpensive, but I gave in and got LO a pair. LO loves to skate (or heel as the case may be) around in these any time there seems to be an open space large enough (and much to my chagrin, even when the space isn't large enough.)

Yesterday we went to the large chain (non-Kosher) grocery store. It's not the one closest to our house but it's the one with the largest Kosher section and the only one in our area that carries fresh Kosher meats. We were surprised to walk in and find one of the largest Pesach sections we have ever seen in this store. LO was thrilled with what I can only describe as the Kosher chocolate aisle. Her favorites are the dark chocolate dinosaurs, which just so happened to be right at her height so she could grab several boxes. So, as I was filling the basket in preparation for Peasch, she was skating around me and all the other Pesach shoppers giving them a good rendition of Ma Nistanah followed by her version of Dayenu (let's just say that other than the actual word "Dayenu", I don't think any of the other words she said were Hebrew.) At one point as she was passing me by - she said, "Mama, I'm passing over just like Passover."

I had to laugh and just shake my head at this show she was giving the other shoppers. Where else in the world can you find a Chinese kid on skates rolling around the Pesach section at the grocery store and singing Pesach songs?

Here come the Kosher Police

LO and I were invited to accompany a very good friend to Parrot Jungle. Since it's pretty expensive to get in there (around $27 each). I jumped at the opportunity to go for free. (Yes, I admit it, I have a little schnorrer in me.) What I didn't understand from the invitation was that before we went to enjoy the Parrot Jungle, we had to attend a luncheon that was a fundraiser for the Archdiocese of Miami.


As many of you know, LO ALWAYS speaks her mind, so before we entered the banquet hall, I pulled her aside and explained that this was a luncheon for the Catholic church and that it was ok for us to be there. The onslaught of questions and comments from her at that point were hilarious..."Mama, we're Jewish", "But these people are scary", "Is this like going to church?", "Will we still be Jewish if we go in?" Just to name a few.

We went in and sat at our table. The lunch plates were already on the table and LO looks at the plate and here is the look she made:


The meal was a mixed green salad with grilled chicken. Next to the grilled chicken were several slices of mozarella CHEESE with tomatoes. I knew she was going to panic and I tried to explain to her that we didn't need to eat anything there. However...before I had the chance, I saw the look on her face which was followed by what I can only describe as a sound similar to an ambulance siren. This of course was followed by her reiterating the Laws of Kashrut to me and then by pointing to everyone's plate on the table to show them how they had meat and dairy ON THE SAME PLATE -- IN THE SAME MEAL! (Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my kid is the "Kosher Police".) I politely put my hand over her mouth and got her to stop squealing. So that the people at our table were able to enjoy their lunch (despite the dirty looks LO was giving them) I tried to distract her for the rest of the meal by playing with her and Winston. It was one of the L O N G E S T lunches of my life.

Shabbat Shalom.

Koshermania

So, my little sister has so much extra time on her hands as of late, she has been spending a great deal of time watching daytime TV. I'm not a big TV watcher and had she not called me about this, I would have had no idea.

Apparently the wrestler Hulk Hogan has a television show called Hogan Knows Best. My little sister explained that in the latest episode it seems that he has moved to Miami to an area where many of his neighbors are Orthodox. (I wonder where that is?) Trying to be friendly, his wife made some cookies to bring to the neighbors and this is when they find out that no one will accept them because they are not KOSHER! They want to have a BBQ for the neighbors so they set out on a quest for kosher foods. They end up at Kosher World where Hulk gets a Kosher 101 lesson. He then says he feels like eating kosher meats is healthier and therefore he should always only eat kosher meats.

Who would have ever thought? Hulk Hogan a new spokesperson for the Kosher Meat industry? Stranger things have happened.

The Kosher Police

As LO has gotten older, she has become more aware of the laws of kashrut. Gone are the days where I could simply put food in front of her and she would eat without asking a million questions. Gone are the days where we could go to someone's home without her explaining what we can and cannot eat.

Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining. I am actually thrilled that she so strictly adheres to keeping kosher, especially when she is surrounded by kids at school who probably don't know what kosher is. However, in the process I am afraid I may have created the "Kosher Police".

Here for your reading pleasure are a few examples of my case and point:

1. Since it's a good 30 minute drive to the large Kosher market for us, we have to go to the local big chain grocery store more often than I would like. As I am sure many of you know - this makes grocery shopping a long task. Now that LO can read, she decided to try to help make shopping happen a little faster by checking for heschers. This has been a huge help. However...with the good comes the "just shake your head and smile" moments. There are often times when I am at one end of the aisle and from the other end of the aisle and LOUD and C-L-E-A-R-L-Y enough for the entire store to hear, she will hold something up and announce, "HEY MAMA! THIS IS KOSHER!" Did I mention that this sometimes happens several times during one trip?
2. LO has decided it is her job to tell the cashier and the person bagging our groceries at the local big chain grocery store not to put the dairy in the same bag as the meat. That's great - no complaints from me on that. But...the last time we finally got to the Kosher market, without any hesitation she asked for the dairy to be separated from the meat - the cashier stared at her in disbelief and then just started to giggle.
3. I was packing her lunch for camp (matzoh and Aaron's salami - not my idea...her request). She comes into the kitchen and I hear this great big GASP! When I asked her what was wrong, she just looked at me while pointing at a Ziploc bag of Fritos and said matter-of-factly, "I can't have these with my lunch, they are DAIRY!" For a split second I thought I had made a mistake...oh wait, they're not dairy. (Scenarios such as this happen all the time, sometimes I think she is just testing me.)

Oh well...I guess there are worse things in life she could be.