It is called a mezuzah

My townhouse is in a gated community of about 70 homes. I'm sad to say that I know very few people in the community. However, it's not because I am unfriendly, it has more to do with the fact that I would guess that the first language of 99% of the families in these homes was not English. (It's just a guess but I have rarely found an English-speaker among them!) But I digress. I was standing in a line to pick up a decal they were handing out for our cars and a man approached me.

Here's how that conversation went:

Man: Can I ask you a question?

Me: Sure, go ahead.

Man: I was down by your house and I noticed that you have a Jewish object on the door at your house. Can I ask why?

Me: Uh, because I'm Jewish.

Man: Really? I asked one of your neighbors when I saw it and he said he didn't know if you were Jewish. You must know that it is called a mezuzah. I have one on my door too.

We actually ended up having a nice conversation. He hasn't been to Shul in almost 30 years and I invited him for Shabbos. Still...for much of the conversation, I kept thinking - did this man just tell me that the "Jewish object" on my door is a mezuzah? Some things will never change.

Lily's Bat Mitzvah Project

I was reading something on the Families with Children from China website the other day and I ran across a posting asking the families for help with a Bat Mitzvah project. I was not only thrilled to come across another Jewish child who was adopted from China but excited that LO would be able to help this girl with her project.

The girl's name is Lily and she is looking to collect stories from other Jewish Chinese girls for her project. I e-mailed Lily's mother and she asked me to help get the word out about Lily's project. I know that there are several of you who have mentioned to me that there are adopted Chinese girls at your shuls and it would really be a mitzvah if you could spread the word to those families.

LO is already working on her essay for Lily's project and I promise to share it here as soon as she finishes it.

Here is the link for more information...Lily's Bat Mitzvah Project.

Jews Come in All Colors

(photo: Jewish Multicultural Network)

PHD's mom and I went out to lunch this weekend. She's a big mahjong maven in her community and she basically knows everyone there. A woman came over to our table to say hello to her. They proceeded to have a conversation but I noticed that the woman was staring at me. At some point in the conversation, PHD's mom said something in Yiddish and I giggled at what she had said. The woman questioned, "You understood what she said?" I replied, "Of course." She then said, "You're Jewish? I mean, I see you wear the Star of David but you're Jewish?" By then another friend has come to the table and next thing you know she is pointing at me and saying, "She's Jewish."

I really should be used to this by now. But it made me think about a conversation I had with PHD not too long ago. He said that when we are together, people assume that I converted so that we could be together. This does not surprise me and actually offends me. Why is it so hard to understand that someone could have such a love for Judaism that they would convert for that reason only? Why assume that marriage is the only reason? How about you all out there...if you met a Jewish couple where one of the them was Asian or African or any other race, would you assume this? Or are you ever surprised when you meet someone who is not "sterotypically Jewish looking" when you find out that they are Jewish?

LO's first sleepover

While LO has gone to many sleepovers at her friends' homes, I have managed to avoid actually hosting one of these giggle-fests for quite some time. Unlike Babka Nosher, Chana, Pearl, Trepp, Raggedy Mom, Jack, and especially PT, I am not one of those "Supermoms" (or "Superdads") who can manage more than one child at a time. Sometimes I can barely keep up with myself and LO so I am always in awe of those who can manage more and still remain sane.

I knew that there would come a day when I would have to give in and let her host her own sleepover. When she and I were discussing it with PHD, her biggest dilemma was which one of her two best friends she should invite. He told her not to worry about picking one or the other just to invite both! (I am certain I shot him a very evil look when he said this.)

And so last weekend, LO hosted her first sleepover. There was swimming, hot dogs and tater tots, brief moments of banging on the piano, movies, and a WHOLE LOT of giggling and screaming. (And I survived to tell the story.)

(Hey, couldn't they be a poster for the United Nations?)

They all had a great time but I heard from the teachers that there were some pretty sleepy girls at Hebrew School on Sunday. Oops!

Where's LO?

LO came home with this class picture in her backpack. For some reason the picture made me giggle...

Can you pick out the Jewish kid in this picture?

(Hint: She's the one wearing the uniform that I've been told makes her look like a Catholic school girl!)

I know I don't LOOK Jewish!

I have this purse made by the Rabbi's Daughters which has a bunch of Yiddish words on it. When I carry it, the purse always seems to solicit comments. Some people think it's cute. Some people want to know what all the words mean. Some people want to know where I got it. Some people just stare at me confused - I'm assuming it's because they are wondering what on Earth a Chinese woman is doing with a purse with Yiddish words on it.

So I was sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's office and a woman asked me where I got it. I told her and then I told her that I bet I have made the company some money because people are always asking me where I got it. I explained that I knew several women at my shul who have bought it after they saw me with it. All of a sudden, a man on the other side of the waiting room said, "Wow - you sure don't look Jewish." He then pointed to his nose and said, "I looked Jewish but then I had my nose fixed." I just smiled and nodded my head. I was in shock at how ignorant these sterotypes sounded to me. A few minutes later he was on his cell phone whispering (but not softly enough that I couldn't hear him), "You'll never believe this but I am in the waiting room at the doctor's office with a CHINESE JEWISH WOMAN! Can you imagine that?"

Thanks to him, I know what it's like to feel like one of those acts in a freak show.

Chinese Jewish Adoptees

photo by: James Estin/The New York Times

It's interesting to me that on Wednesday I blogged about LO's adoption and then yesterday The New York Times ran an article about a Chinese adoptee who had just completed her bat mitzvah. (Thank you to everyone who sent and/or told me about the article!)

LO and I are the only Chinese members at our shul. And I know of only one other adult Chinese Jew (who found me through this blog!) But I have to wonder with the large number of Chinese children who have been adopted by Jewish families, will we start to see a change in the demographics soon? It will be interesting to see.

Shabbat Shalom.

Adoption Nostalgia

As any parent knows, it seems that our children grow up WAY too fast. A day hardly goes by when I look at LO and can't believe how grown up she is getting. It seems like the trip to China to get her was just yesterday.

For those of you who don't know much about the way the Chinese adoption process works, here's a brief explanation. It basically involves a WHOLE LOT of paperwork (and a WHOLE lot of $$.) Once you make your way through the paperwork, home studies, fingerprinting, etc. you basically send all your papers to China and then you wait. And then you wait some more. And then you WAIT even more. Until the day when you finally get "The Call" and are told that you have a child waiting in China for you.

My call came in March 2001 - just shy of six years ago. The above picture on the left is the first picture I ever saw of my daughter. The above picture on the right is a picture of her this past Sunday at our Purim carnival. LO was 21 months old when we met in May 2001. She stood 31 inches tall and weighed all of 16 pounds. Look at her now. What a difference love can make. And what a blessing G-d gave me.

Are we a trend?

Was anyone else surprised last week when they watched the season premiere of "Grey's Anatomy"? Did you know that Sandra Oh's character Christina Yang is Jewish?

Maybe LO and I have started a new trend.

How can you be Jewish? You're Chinese!

Yep, that's the look I usually get when I tell people that we are Jewish. I don't know why it is such a surprise to people. Maybe it's because we don't look Jewish? (And what does Jewish look like anyway?) Isn't Judaism a religion and aren't we all free to chose what religion we want to be? Oh....I know - it's that whole race vs. religion thing right? Well, when they put a "J" for Jewish checkbox next to the W, B, H and A on all those silly forms we fill out in life, then you can talk to me about the race thing. (Oh, but if they do that, do I check the "J" box or the "A" box or am I allowed to check both?)

For whatever reason our Judaism is such a surprise, I tell the story quite often, so here it is out in the Blogosphere for all to see. I wish I could tell some great story like I traced my lineage to the Jews of Keifeng or explain it by saying that my neshama was at Mount Sinai and for whatever reason, G-d decided that my neshama should be in Chinese body this time around, but the story is less grandiose.

Remember the movie "The Jerk" with Steve Martin? It started with him saying, "I was born a poor black child..." It goes on to the point where he realizes that this was not really the case and he is something totally different. I feel like that sometimes.

Both of my parents are 100% Chinese. I was born in New York (isn't that where most Jews in the Diaspora are born?) My parents divorced when I was 2-years old and shortly thereafter my mother married a Jewish man. I didn't know until I was around 13 or so that this man was not my father. (The fact that I looked nothing like him or his family apparently meant nothing to me.) Many of my childhood memories are that of a Jewish child in a Jewish household...Shabbats, holidays, typical Jewish Grandmother, typical Jewish Great-Grandmother (who made the BEST gefilite fish and latkes!), etc.

Fast forward a bunch of years to when I adopted LO in China. Since halakha does not consider adoption a blood relation, I knew that LO would need to be converted. And so I went to talk to our Rabbi about it. In the process we learned that my mother had never converted and that she had never converted me. So, not only did LO need to convert, I needed to convert! Since we keep kosher, we go to shul on every Shabbat, LO goes to Sunday school, and all of our non-work/non-school activities are shul related, my circle of friends has often dubbed me "the most Jewish of all". The irony of the fact that I was not "technically" Jewish became the brunt of much joking around. I was angry at first because I felt like a part of my identity that I had always known was actually a falsehood. The anger was short lived because the process of studying our beloved Torah and the several meetings with our Rabbi taught me so much and gave me an even greater love for Judaism than I already had. And so on the 6-year anniversary of the first day that I ever held LO in my arms, she and I did our tevillah and officially joined the people of Israel. Never has anything felt so "right".

Shabbat Shalom.