Tuesday, July 31, 2007

He's mine, all MINE!

LO is home at "Camp PHD" for the summer. They both thought it would be more fun to spend the summer doing things together rather than for her to go to her usual summer camp (which she has grown bored of). While PHD is great fun, LO has asked that every now and then Camp PHD recruit another camper....so today her friend "Nesya" came to visit. I assumed that they would have nothing but great fun today but....that was a bad assumption.

I just got a phone call from LO. She was crying and screaming hysterically..."Abba doesn't love me anymore!" "Abba wants to play with Nesya instead of me!" "I want my Abba back!" "He's MY ABBA!"

(ed. note - I am using "Abba" in terms of the Hebrew word for father not that Swedish band that Neil is obsessed with.)

I was shocked. She has never been overly close to her father (my ex-husband). She never really took well to anyone I dated after the divorce. But, then came PHD. She has gotten very close to him. This became obvious to me when she decided that she wanted to call him "Abba". And it is very apparent when I see the two of them together. And now it's even clearer to me.

I'm thankful that they have built this wonderful father-daughter type relationship. But I'm really at a loss of what to do about what is now appearing to be a little over-possessiveness. I explained to her that he absolutely loved her and even if he was paying attention to the other little girl that he still loved her. What else could I have done? Any suggestions?


Neil said...

I always wondered if the group ABBA had any special appeal in Israel because of their name.

Kol Ra'ash Gadol said...

WOw! That's interesting. My only suggestion (not having had to deal with over possesiveness of a step parent, myself) would be maybe to have him say those things to her, since it's him that she's being possessive of. Also, to figure out what, exactly, triggered that response - any idea? Maybe the thought that one can acquire an abba that easily has led to the thought that one might have to share him more than desired - and in fact, I don't konw your plans, but it seems likely, that she WILL have to share her abba at some point, and then the adopted/not adopted thing might come up, too.
Just a thought. I may be way off base.

RaggedyMom said...

That sounds tricky! I would say that it's likely she won't be as fiercely possessive with time, and that during the 'building a family' phase, you might indulge her desire for exclusivity.

Similar to the way that when children are young, they become more independent and confident in the parental relationship the more they feel attached, close and secure, as far as being a cohesive unit, the three of you are still in an early stage.

That's my totally non-professional, 'just the thought inside my head' take on it.

VJ said...

That just sounds so cute. I think it's not all that uncommon either at times. Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'

Jessica said...

I have no suggestions but I did want to say that was a very, very sweet story!